Letting Go
by Rogue Darth Skywalker
Summary: "It was their custom. Every year on that fateful day, Anakin would make his way to the cemetery with his children and seek out the mausoleum where she rested."


I honestly don't even remember writing this. It was two in the morning when I wrote this and I don't remember a word of it. I'm actually very surprised how well I wrote it given those circumstances and I actually cried when I was editing parts of it.

Be sure to have a tissue nearby!

-DFD

* * *

It was their custom. Every year on that fateful day, Anakin would make his way to the cemetery with his children and seek out the mausoleum where she rested. Standing before the stone structure whose door always had at least a dozen offerings around it, he always had to take a moment before entering. Closing his eyes he breathed in deep, his children held one hand each and gave his hands a firm squeeze as they always did. Opening his eyes he led the twins down to where their mother rested.

The dark chamber was lit from the outside by the massive stained glass window painted to look like her. The twins released his hands and walked around to the other side of the stone coffin in the center of the room and placed their hands on it a loving gesture. He wished they had known her. Leia looks so much like Padme and she excelled in the legislative youth group. He had little doubt she was well on her way to be elected queen just like her mother. And Luke, despite looking identical to him as a boy, he was all her. Forgiving, compassionate, wise; in everyone he could always see some good in them.

Slowly, he approached the coffin and placed his hand where her heart would be. Closing his eyes, he prayed he would wake up and see it was all a dream. That he was still on Coruscant in their bed with his arm wrapped tightly around her still pregnant belly. That he was still a Jedi, and that when the twins are born they will never know a day without her. Opening his eyes, he found he was still in the mausoleum with his children. There had been times where he wondered what would have happen had he helped Palpatine when Master Windu had pinned him against the wall. Did Palpatine really know how to save Padme? Had he thrown away his chance to save her? Anakin shook his head. No. Palpatine was a Sith. Lying and manipulation were in his nature. He only wanted to use him. Use him to destroy everything and everyone he cared about. He would have destroyed himself. And even if Palpatine could have saved her, why would he? Padme had been opposed to many of his policies for years. She posed a threat to him in more ways than one and would have no doubt continued to be such had he succeeded. Besides, helping him would have only worsened the rift that had already started to form between them because of similar arguments. No. He did not regret letting Palpatine die.

After the fall of the Sith and the end of the war, for the first time since they were married they enjoyed one short month where everything was perfect. The Senate worked hard to reestablish peace and to reorganize it to prevent another Palpatine. Padme had even been nominated to be the next chancellor, though she had declined for obvious reasons and instead nominated Bail Organa, who proved to be the perfect man to bring order to what might have been a chaotic restoration effort. Anakin had been granted Mastery and Padme had finally told him they were having not one but two babies. He couldn't recall a moment when he had been so happy, so content and at peace. But it didn't last long. When Padme went into labor, there had been complications. The excessive bleeding had weakened her and for reasons he can't possibly understand, she died. The doctors were unaware he was more than just her supportive friend and had wanted to call her parents and give them the twins, but he couldn't allow that. He was their father. How could he allow them to be given away? Even though they would go to her family, he didn't want that. Padme wouldn't have wanted that. He argued with the doctors, claiming the twins as his, which no one seemed to believe until he demanded a blood test to confirm it. It didn't take long after that before word reached media outlets about the scandal of the paternity of Senator Amidala's bastard children. That particular article boiled his blood enough he publicly revealed that they were in fact married and the twins were legitimate. It redirected the scandal on him but he was surprisingly okay with it. The Hero With No Fear became an Oath Breaker but those names meant nothing to him. He never cared what the media called him but he did care what they said about his children. And calling them bastards was not something he tolerated. He would much rather the media call him names and say what they want about him than for them to say such horrible things about his children who were innocent and certainly didn't deserve such scrutiny. The scandal had caused Anakin to lose his seat on the Jedi Council though he had not been expelled. He believed the reason for that was because of how strong his children were in the Force.

Anakin looked up to where his children were opposite him. Luke was still more than a little upset he wasn't allowed to be a Jedi. He wanted so badly to be like his father but he couldn't allow that. His childhood in the Temple was far from ideal and all he wanted was a normal life for them. And so when the Council had decided to permit him to remain a Jedi in sight of all he had done and all he had lost, he refused. Turned in his lightsaber and gladly took his place as the Lost Twenty-First. He relocated his family to Naboo and moved into the Lake House where Padme had wanted them to raise their family. With everything that had happened near the end of the pregnancy, there had not been time to come to the house and prepare the room. He found the room overlooking the garden though and spent all the time he could fixing it up for the twins. He painted the walls the same shade of yellow her bedroom had been and had built both cribs and dressers by himself. During the early days of his fatherhood, Padme's parents had helped immensely with the babies. He had no idea what he was doing and while he was able to easily lead an army into battle without a hint of fear, whenever Luke or Leia cried, he was always afraid he had done something wrong. And that was where her parents came into play. They had taught him everything he needed to know from how much to feed them to how to change a diaper. When he had come to Naboo with the twins, Padme's mother had not been surprised when he had told her he had married her daughter. Apparently, she had known Padme was smitten with him from the moment she saw them together. Her father, on the other hand, had been upset he had not walked her down the isle and hated the secrecy, but he eventually came around after getting to know him and seeing him with the twins. Anakin was beyond grateful for their help and he would take the twins to visit them whenever he could.

It had not been easy. The past ten years had been lonely and difficult and yet they had also been filled with his greatest joys. Hearing Leia say 'daddy' for the first time, watching Luke use the Force to make his toys fly, tucking them in at night, comforting them when they had nightmares, protecting them from big scary bugs, their fist days at school... moments that mean everything to him. He only wishes their birthdays were happier occasions than this.

He had asked them many times before if they wanted to do something happier on this day than spend it in their mother's tomb suggesting perhaps it's time to fill this day with happier memories. But they always say no. They miss her almost as much as he does. Perhaps they too wish they could wake up. That they would find themselves in their home and when they sneak into the master bedroom where he normally sleeps alone instead they would find her there as well. He wishes that were so. He knows the pain of losing a mother and it tears a hole that can never fully heal.

Anakin looks down at the coffin and traces lazy patterns over the cold rough stone. She deserved better than this. She deserved to grow old and grey with him, she deserved a peaceful life with her family where they would raise the legion of Skywalkers they always joked about having. She deserved to die in her sleep, wrapped in his strong embrace, before him and knowing he was only a minute behind her.

"Dad?" He looked up to see her brown eyes staring back at him. Leia sometimes wished she had Luke's blue eyes. She would say brown is a boring and so common, but he always said her eyes were far from common. She has her mother's eyes and in them, he sees more than just brown. He sees strength, conviction, stubbornness, and beauty. She was her mother's daughter in every way and the only thing she seemed to have of his was his impulsiveness. "Dad," she said again, pulling him out of his thoughts, "she's here."

"What?"

"She's here." She said again, "I can feel her."

"Me too," Luke said.

Anakin was confused for a moment. What were they talking about? But then he felt it. closing his eyes, he reached out for her. It was faint, but there was no mistaking the feeling of her signature brushing ever so slightly against his. Tears welled up in his eyes and he could feel the love she bore him- the love she bore all of them. "I love you, Angel," he said, "I miss you."

Her signature responded, returning the sentiment and how proud she was of him, of their children. And then he heard her. Her voice was faint and barely above a whisper. "I love you, we'll meet again soon. Let go."

His eyes opened as her presence faded. From the tears in their eyes, he knew the twins heard it as well. Stepping back from the coffin he held his arms open, allowing the children to rush into his embrace. He kissed the tops of their heads and let them cry against his chest.

"How is that possible?" Luke asked, "mom wasn't a Jedi, how could she...?"

Anakin gave a shrug, "I don't know, but mom knew one Jedi who might have been able to help." He said, remembering Qui-Gon Jinn and knowing if one Jedi could find a way to do it, he would. They stayed huddled in that embrace for a long time, still disbelieving what had happened but knowing that it had. Anakin wished he could feel her again, hear her voice again but the presence had been so faint and barely even there that he knew the chance of it happening again was low. But he was grateful that it had happened. He had needed to hear her. Needed her help to let go. And while he knew he would never love again, he now knew they would see each other again and he was content to wait however long that took. "Let's go home." He said, smiling at his children and silently promising to do something fun with them on their next birthday. It was time to let go.

END


End file.
